A Recipe for Change

I am a serial planner.

I'm not sure if that's a phrase but I am declaring it one now. I plan like my life depends on it, I plan like there's no tomorrow, and I plan every single day. Now, hear me. I am not organized. These are entirely different concepts and I will not explain myself.

I am the person who plans the exact time I will take a shower during the day in order to not disrupt my other activities. I plan to leave my house 15 minutes before I need to just in case there is a massive accident or I suddenly remember I have to go to the grocery store on the way. I plan the ebbs and flows of my life, planning for disruptions, planning for change, planning for discomfort. Can you see the problem?

I plan things that you simply cannot plan. It is the bane of my existence.

Over the past few months, a great deal of my life has changed. And while I don't inherently dislike change... I abhor change that I wasn't ready for. Convenient right? I would love to be a person that flows with the changes of life, effortlessly riding the waves of uncertainty without a care in the world (are there any people like that out there?). But I am not that person.

I cling to certainty and find comfort in consistency. I am the person who loves to ride the waves, as long as I am safely anchored to the shore. Maybe you think this makes me boring, maybe I think it makes me boring, or maybe it just makes me a human. We, at the very core of who we are, desire to be grounded. To look around at our surroundings and have faith that those things will stay the same. My desire to be adventurous, to do things that feel bold, is highly correlated to the foundation I know I have when I come back.

Two things are happening in my life right now; I am craving consistency, and everything is changing. What am I going to do with these conflicting feelings you may ask?

I have no idea. For once, Kate Reutzel doesn't have a plan. And you know what? It feels pretty freeing. Here's what I know...

I am deeply loved by the people in my life, even if those relationships are shifting and adjusting; the love isn't. I can't, and don't want, to try to plan the unplannable anymore. I am tired folks, maybe I'll try drifting in the waves for awhile (knowing my anchor is there). Finally, I don't have to be best friends with discomfort. There is a belief that accepting change means celebrating it, I'm not there yet. Change and discomfort are like the distant family friend you see once a year, and that's okay for now.

Cooking this week consisted of crockpot chili (I told you there was a time and place for the crockpot). It was a week of easy food and contemplation! Let me know how you deal with the changes in your life, please...help.