I remember when I first realized I love to bake. It was one of those hobbies that suddenly became really popular when I was in the 7th grade, and if you weren't baking you weren't cool. And I was obviously cool, so I had to bake!
At this time the baking I was doing included making funfetti cupcakes from a box and calling it a masterpiece. And while I will never knock funfetti, because it is delicious, it's not really baking is it? Sorry if that is what you define as baking, but dumping, stirring, and placing something in the oven doesn't equal baking in my eyes. It's okay if nobody agrees with me, but baking to me equates something like care. It is slow, intentional, methodical, and consistent. It is tactile and grounding to me, think of it as a therapy of sorts. This 7th grade baking moment, however, was not the time I realized I love to bake.
About 3 years ago, I baked a cake for my parents birthdays (they have very close birthdays and I really can't be expected to bake two separate cakes). It was a coconut and lemon layered cake by Martha Stewart that I saw in a magazine a few months prior. I had never baked something so ambitious before, barely had mastered the art of cakes themselves, let alone layered cakes! Also included in this recipe was homemade lemon curd (never had made), some sort of complicated meringue frosting (never had made), and candied lemon slices for the topping (yep, never had made). But for some reason I decided I was going to make this cake.
I remember spending literal days baking this cake. Chunking out and segmenting all these complicated steps into something I hoped I was able to do. And while I was doing it all, I felt good. I loved the way everything just came together, it was euphoric because I realized about half way through, I'm not too bad at this. It seemed that the countless hours I spent watching The Great British Baking Show had actually paid off... but this wasn't the moment I realized I loved baking either.
That moment came later, at a birthday party for my parents, when I got to see people enjoy what I had made. I like making people feel good, it's why I'm studying to be a therapist, it's why I remember my friends favorite foods and songs, and it's why I bake. There is something magical and life-giving about creating something that makes people smile. Food is connection, and baked goods are love. Don't believe me? Next time you are feeling down, the day has not gone the way you want, and you need comfort, what do you want to eat?
This week, as many weeks prior, has been heavy to carry. So, I baked.
I made a sweet and salty cream cheese tart (courtesy of Alison Roman), which is in all essence a cheesecake. The only difference was it used Ritz crackers as the base for the crust (as opposed to graham crackers), which is where the salty factor comes in. It also includes a hint of citrus in the filling which resulted in a dessert that is sweet, but not too sweet, which is perfect for the person who wants to eat two slices in one night (me). As you are all aware, Valentines Day is coming up this weekend, and in order to fill my soul and heart up (in the pursuit of self love of course), I will be eating copious amounts of this tart and feeling absolutely no guilt about it.
I hope you feel loved this weekend, in any way that it manifests, by any person, animal, plant, etc. You deserve it. Friendly reminder that your capacity to receive love and to give love is not dictated by any other thing in this world, you are loved the second you wake up in the morning just by being. Relationship or not, fall into love this weekend.
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